Me as soon as I start to feel the anesthesia in the OR: “I’m starting to feel the anesthesia. Please tell me later if I say anything crazy or funny, my husband wants some material”

Jim, RN: “Will do. You feeling good now?”

Me: “My anxiety is gone. Had to take my Ativan last night…I have a prescription with 4 pills left after having it for like 6-12 months (original rx had 10 pills). Just takes the edge off sometimes. The last couple years have been…”

Jim, RN: (last thing I heard) “Nighty-night, Annie. We will take good care of you.”

Me coming out of anesthesia in the PACU: “I can’t really open my eyes yet, I need toothpicks.”

Kyle, RN: “We don’t have those. You are doing well, just give it some time.”

Me, RN: “How is my BP?”

Kyle, RN: “120/83, perfect.”

Me, RN: “What was my blood loss?”

Kyle, RN: “25ccs. Basically nothing.”

Annie: “That’s good. Do you know if I said anything crazy coming in or out? My husband wants to know.”

Kyle: “Just a few F-bombs.”

Me: “Sounds about right.”

Kyle: “Seems appropriate for the situation.”

Me: “This is why I still work NOC shift.”

I wish I had asked the context, like was I just like “fuck!” Or “fuck this!” Or “Fuck my life!” Or “fuck you!” or “wanna fuck?”

There are so many ways I could have used that…and context is everything!!

Thanks, Jim, RN. Thanks, Kyle, RN. Thanks Dr. Yamatata.

There are 3 more men that got to fondle those melons, all in one drug-induced day party. I think that might be a record for me.

That’s the way to do it. #yolo, bitches!

Sorry, Schmoops. Love you the most!